I am a married woman. Not a happily married woman, but still yet, I am married. And, I do my best to pretend to be happy, but it is hard to do when I am married to someone who has become an alcoholic. I did not go out looking for someone else to fall in love with, nor did I wish for it, but it has happened. I have fallen in love with someone that I have known for a big part of my life. He goes to church with me, and he is married too. He has children, as do I. Our children range in age from a year old to teenagers.
It all started when we were to sing together in our church's annual Christmas play this past year. I have always thought of him as being an attractive man, but never gave it much more thought than that since I knew he was married. While we were practicing one day, I had to stand really close to him while we were singing. I could smell his cologne, and I really thought it smelled wonderful. The next day, I sent him an email asking him what kind of cologne he wore and that I thought he smelled really nice. He started flirting innocently with me from that moment on and I found myself being drawn into wanting to know him better and wanting to be closer to him. We both knew that it was wrong in God's eyes and everyone else's, but we were both miserable in our present relationships. I even tried to put a stop to it and told him that I could not do this, could not be involved in something so wrong that would only hurt everyone around us, but as soon as I told him that my heart felt like it had been ripped out of my body. It was at that moment that I knew that I had fallen head over heels in love for this man that I had known the majority of my life! I had never looked at him through the eyes of love before we sang together, but I was for certain that I could never look at him the same from that moment on. This was the man that I wanted to spend my life with!
He has absolutely made it clear to me that he has no intention of leaving his wife at this time until his children are older. He cannot afford to pay child support, and he does not want to upset his children by leaving. I completely understand this, and I am thankful that he has been honest with me about that from the beginning. I am in the same kind of situation, as I cannot leave my husband at this point and survive on my own and expect to do well bringing up my children. So, we are both "stuck." I always thought that it would be hard to have a relationship such as ours, but I never ever knew it would be so difficult! And, I never knew it would be so easy to fall in love with someone who has been in front of me for years on end!
